Kitty (fushigi_koneko) wrote,

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Depression is depressing.

Well, I bet this will come as no surprise to any of you.. but I went to the Dr. on Thursday. He made me fill out this short form, and apparently I am off the charts for the depression rating. They said 10 was depressed, my score was 23. You would think that when I submitted myself to emergency psychiatric care in January because I felt seriously suicidal that they could have deducted that then.. But what did they do.. They set me up with an appointment with a psychiatrist for diagnosis in April and gave me a series of unrelated appointments to keep in the mean time. If I missed any of those unrelated apoointments they told me my appointment with the Psychiatrist would be cancelled. The psychologist at the doctor's office I went to on Thur. had a good point when she asked, 'What are they trying to do? Thin out the population?!'

Call me crazy, but I found that being diagnosed with severe depression.. made me more depressed. It was when they pinpointed the depression that I realized maybe that is why I don't want to do anything anymore. My house has been dirty for like the first time ever.. and anytime Anthony (hiruke) wants to spend time with me and asks me what I want to do.. I just kind of stare blankly and can't really think of anything. When he makes offers of Anime watching and the like.. I still just kind of sit there. *sigh* I wish that I could go out somewhere and magically bump into all my friends the way he can. Most of my closest friends live in Houston. It's so dirty there I really never want to move back. It's a shame they have to be all grouped there. Why can't we all move to Arizona or the Virgin Islands or something.. How about Japan or California..

I have also been told to be less picky about whom I spend my time with.. but I just can't seem to be friends with people that don't respect my time, or care enough to give a phone call if they had to break our plans. Most people aren't into the sorts of things I like, and most geeks have a god complex, or are so geeky I can't stand to be seen with them. Unfortunately vanity is not beyond me since I am a Leo, and seem to like to maintain my appearances. Meaning if the person I hang around knows no ettiquette, it reflects badly on me. As for the rest of the population, I tend to not get along too well with most females, and I don't tolerate idiots well. I think that sums it up. I apparently am doomed to be lonely always, and it is apparently my own doing.
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